yes, believe, but.

i didn't know that i don't know how to write. just amazing, right?
nah. i knew.

well, writing the proper way. one thing about righting on your OWN blog is you OWN it. therefore, you only have rules that is convenient for you.

anyway, it is disheartening.

and i didn't know i was becoming someone i don't want to be.
they tell me i am too confident. and i was thinking and reasoning, i'm confident for i believe God has in stored greater things for me.that is right. but in the process, i failed myself.

How could i believe in God's greater plan for me, when i don't believe in myself?
i fantasied being great and successful but when reality asks something from me, i cower and produce something not so great.

i feared and then thought of giving up thinking 'maybe i am up to lesser things in this world'. i am so ready going back to my comfort zone. i am creating reasons why i should give up untarnished. but who am i kidding?

really, humility is important not just because it is a value every mother would advice you to have. but the thing is, humility would always question yourself if you are doing the right things and make even the smallest deal worthy of your gratefulness and care. these things would make you a great person.

speaking of greatness, being great is not surmountable to quantity of life, you know. its always the quality or your way of living. but not how luxurious you live your life but how blessed you feel, how content you are, how you find joy in every small thing you do, and how productive and helpful are your relationships.

greatness inside is way more valuable than greatness outside. God wants us to believe in ourselves, to be proud of ourselves and not just depend solely in Him. He will be there, that's unquestionable but be someone deserving of that much attention and care.

and so, MOVE.

"‎"the disease she had is, you see, universal. -sherwood anderson

‎"the disease she had is, you see, universal. we all want to be loved and
the world has no plan for creating our lovers..."

"she needed a lover and at the same time a lover was not what she needed. The need of a lover was, after all, a quite secondary thing. She needed to be loved, to be long and quietly and patiently loved."

Sherwood Anderson is right.

i feel the same.
-------

i don't like being weak. ang maging talunan at bitter sa buhay at sa mga taong naka-disappoint sa akin because they did not make it to my expectations of them.

this disappointment has something to do with me, of them not being able to take hold of me. it gives me low self esteem knowing no one was patient and all ended up giving up.

"By being sure of yourself you are in danger of losing all of the romance of life."

but i don;t know myself...anmymore... or never had.
and, alright i don't want to take a risk because i'm afraid of having a wrong choice. but does it have to have a choice??

i'm afraid to feel so much love and happiness and then be left behind by that same person.

i have to be find love for and in myself first............
i believe. crap..